Chapter 5 of 6
Cub
Remus couldn’t help the conflicting feelings he had as he heard Sirius ask Harry to live with him and Harry accept without hesitation. Yes, he was happy that his love was innocent, that Harry would get away from the Dursleys, that’s what he had been trying to do all year long, but he couldn’t help feeling a little twinge of jealousy. He wanted to be the one to take Harry away. He wanted Harry to go live with him. How could he now if Sirius just jumped in front of him? He yanked at the chain forcibly as he pulled out of the tunnel making Peter stumble. Peter gave him a scared look and he gave back a little sadistic smile. Yes I did it on purpose, the smile said. He would feel pleasure in seeing Peter suffer for all he’d done, to James, to Lily, to Harry and to Sirius. Remus stole back a glance, Sirius. He didn’t look as bad as he’d expected. Sirius mentioned Andromeda had helped, she had brought food and clothes and Remus had been grateful.
He bit his lips like a teenager. Would Sirius still love him after he betrayed him like that? He left him rotting in Azkaban. Yes, Sirius embraced him but he had started the hug, he had relished in his scent, in feeling those arms around him. But Sirius was probably just shocked. Once he had time to think he wouldn’t want anything to do with Remus, he’d hate him, no matter what he said twelve years ago.
Remus sighed and was about to look back and ponder a little more on him loosing the two people he loved, because of course Harry would hate him to now that he knew he was a werewolf who left his godfather to rot in Azkaban when he felt his body stiffen, he barely had time to panic as he remembered he forgot the potion and that Ron was chained to him when his limbs began to morph and Remus was delegated to the back of his mind with no chance to control his actions, just watch and feel what Moony felt. And moony smelt fresh prey just next to him.
He heard Sirius yell, and a few moments later he felt Padfoot collide with him, Moony was about to attack Padfoot when he suddenly stood still and sniffed, there was something else Moony smelt, something more important than prey, something he’d been denied, he smelt his cub. Padfoot kept snarling and posing for attack if Moony decided to attack and for a fleeting second Remus mind in the back of Moony’s thought he was hesitating in hurting him, but the biggest thought to take over him was that Moony wouldn’t be fooled and Moony smelt his cub which could only mean one thing; Lily lied to everyone.
Moony’s vision zeroed on Harry and he had one thought, get to his cub, then Moony saw his cub trying to get the rat. Moony knew that rat and he knew he could catch him and Remus though that if Peter escaped all was lost. Surprising Padfoot, Moony retreated without ever touching him and ran towards the forest and after the rat.
Sirius transformed back in confusion. He had been waiting for Moony to attack him to get to the children but instead Moony had remained still and suddenly had just ran in the opposite direction, with no need to fight whatsoever. He turned back in confusion and saw Harry and Hermione looking desperate and Ron stunned on the floor.
“He escaped Sirius,” Harry cried desperately. “He escaped!”
Sirius heart froze as he noted the absence of Peter, his one chance to be free to be with Remus and Harry.
“Where?”
Harry pointed to the forest. To where Moony had ran and Sirius heart sank even deeper. There was no way he would find the rat after he had this much head start and with Moony on the loose he had to get Harry and the others inside. Maybe he could get Dumbledore to listen with Harry’s and Hermione’s help.
He picked Remus’ wand and pocketed it next to the one Andromeda had given him and felt a little stab of guilt at hiding that wand all along, even when Remus gave the kids all the wands. Well, could you blame him for being weary?
With Snape’s wand he moved to levitate both Snape and Ron when a chill ran through him, a horrible, familiar chill. He looked up and saw hundreds of Dementors approaching.
“Think happy thoughts!” Harry cried to Hermione and Sirius couldn’t help the proud feeling and as he saw Harry draw his wand ready to protect the group. He remembered Harry yelling at Snape that Remus had been teaching him the Patronus. Could he do it? He may be with my help. Could I conjure one? He thought.
Yes, he could. The proud feeling was chasing away the coldness and he could remember why chasing the Dementors away was important. He was going to live with Harry and Moony. No matter if Peter had escaped, he’d find a way. He grabbed Harry’s hand and cried.
“You can do this! Together Harry! On three, one two three!”
And in unison the cried:
“EXPECTRO PATRONUM!” and Sirius couldn’t help the gasp as he saw Prongs and Moony galloping straight towards the Dementors and making them back away. He always knew his Patronus was Moony but seeing a form of Prongs again made him smile a sad smile.
“Is that-” Harry asked and Sirius answered.
“That’s Prongs, that’s your- that’s James’ form,” he cupped Harry’s cheek and said. “No matter what Harry, James loved you more than life and always protected you, even after his death.” He finished pointing at the two Patronuses that had managed to chase the Dementors away. Both of them came back and gave a little bow.
Harry extended his hand and tried to touch Prongs as he disappeared, “I know. He tried to save mum and me. Professor Lupin said the Patronus is something that makes us feel safe, and ever since I learned about how my parents died to save me. I think of them when I’m scared,” he finished smiling.
Sirius was about to pull Harry into a hug when Hermione gave an ear splitting scream.
“Hermione!”
“Professor Lupin is back!” she cried pointing at somewhere in the dark, and sure enough Moony was trotting happily back. Sirius transformed and was ready to attack but Moony wasn’t attacking he was balancing something in his mouth and trotting straight towards Harry. Sirius snarled and Moony just gave him a look that could only be interpreted, as “Are you thick?” And was so much like Remus that Sirius could swear Remus was in control. He was so dumbfounded that he did nothing as Moony went straight to Harry and proudly dropped something on Harry’s feet. He couldn’t help it. He transformed back as Harry caught the squirming rat and promptly stunned it.
“I guess he caught Pettigrew,” Harry shrugged looking at him and handing him the rat.
Moony, to everyone’s surprise nodded happily and then butted Harry’s hand.
“I think he wants praise,” Hermione said as if she really didn’t know if she was dreaming or not.
Harry bent down and scratched a werewolf’s! A ravaging werewolf’s! A ravaging werewolf’s who had no Wolfsbane head, and the ravaging werewolf purred like a puppy and then licked Harry’s exposed face.
“Ugh! Professor Lupin, that’s gross!” that only got him another lick.
Sirius really didn’t know how he not only managed to not faint but levitate Snape and Ron towards the castle and the Headmaster’s office all the while being accompanied by a docile werewolf, who was acting giddy. Like Remus had never acted.
He heard Harry and Hermione laugh at Moony’s antics and couldn’t help but shake his head. Maybe he was dreaming, and none of this happened.
And as they tried in vain naming candies and finally had the entrance to the Headmaster’s office being opened by an amused Albus Dumbledore he decided that yes, this was a dream and no he didn’t want to wake up.
“Sirius, what a pleasant surprise. I assume you children have a lot to tell me?”
As he watched Remus sleep Sirius couldn’t help but think over everything that happened. Dumbledore listened to him right there in the entrance, Sirius was wondering why he didn’t take them to his office but when Dumbledore took Peter while telling Sirius to escort everyone to the hospital wing, Sirius couldn’t help but have that old feeling that everything would be all right and Dumbledore would solve everything. He didn’t quite understand what Dumbledore told Hermione about three turns helping save an innocent life but apparently the girl did because once they were in the hospital wing she locked herself in the bathroom while he and Harry were busy trying to get Madam Pomfrey not to hex him and tell her that the Headmaster was the one to send them there.
“If I was a lunatic murderer I wouldn’t have brought them to you!” he cried exasperated and Moony barked his agreement.
Pomfrey glanced at Moony wearily and Sirius hissed, “Not helping Moony. Stay invisible.”
“Did he have his Wolfsbane?” she asked.
“Yes, interesting development there. Hum, no,” he said slowly. “But he looks tame,” he offered.
Pomfrey huffed and pointed her want at him, “Apparently Azkaban did not change you Mister Black. But you do have a point, so I will give you the benefit of the doubt. Get on that bed!” she said sternly and Sirius sat as automatically and quickly as if scorched, Harry snickered but did the same when he got a glare from the dragon.
“Now, where is Ms. Granger?”
“Here,” Hermione chirped happily as she came into view. Sirius didn’t miss the confused glance Harry gave his friend nor the little smile she had. Oh, he knew that smile, he had sported that smile many times. Young Ms. Granger was up to no good. He couldn’t help but smile too.
Pomfrey had clucked and tsked, and mended Ron’s leg, and some of Snape’s bruises, apparently he had been hit in the head, imagine that? She gave him a potion and said he would sleep until morning. Sirius imagined she didn’t want him waking and having a war in her infirmary. She had given Harry and Hermione chocolate and healed their scratches, then she proceeded to wave her wand on him and tsk, she handed him chocolate and wrote furiously on a piece of parchment.
“Not as bad as I expected but you are in serious need of nutritional supplements. I’m prescribing some potions for you to take during the next month and then I expect you back here for evaluation,” she said sternly and left.
“Well, hum, at least she has faith I’ll be freed?” he smiled at Harry.
“She is not the only one,” a voice said pleasantly from the door and Sirius stiffened as he saw Dumbledore and Fudge enter. From the corner of his eye he saw Moony had the presence of mind, god only knows how, to hide under a cupboard. Harry jumped in front of Sirius and cried.
“He’s innocent. We gave you Pettigrew and-“
“Calm down Harry,” Dumbledore said. “We questioned Peter with Veritasserum. He is in his way to a holding cell at the Ministry while he awaits his trial.
“Humph, so he gets one,” Sirius muttered crossing his arms, “I didn’t get that courtesy. Could have saved a lot of people a lot of grief.”
“Hum, er, yes, Mr. Black,” Fudge stuttered, “And the Ministry is terrible sorry for this terrible mistake of the last administration. Hum, we would of course like to do what we can to correct-“
“His pardon would be nice,” Harry piped in.
“Yes, I already signed that,” Fudge produced a parchment that Harry took quickly and scanned pleased giving it to Sirius. “I of course will give a statement to make sure everyone knows of your innocence and of our capture of Peter Pettigrew.”
“Your capture?” Hermione muttered.
“We want to amend any mistake of the previous administration as I said and anything you want-“
“Harry’s guardianship,” Hermione piped in sweetly.
“Hum, er, I understand Mr. Black is Harry’s godfather but I don’t think Harry would want to leave-“
“I do,” Harry said simply and Sirius smiled.
“He does,” he said. “So, I guess he can come home with me as you will speed up that process won’t you minister? You know, in the name of making amends.” Sirius said catching on to Hermione’s manipulation. That girl was dangerous. Such a good friend for Harry to have.
“Well, er-“
“You wouldn’t want to deprive Harry and Sirius of the time that they should have together would you Minister. The time the previous administration robbed them of,” Hermione asked and Sirius could swear he saw a proud twinkle on Dumbledore’s eyes.
“I am sure Cornelius will speed the process up,” Dumbledore said. “Won’t you Cornelius.”
“Yes, of course. I shall be leaving now for that, yes, er, immediately.” And with that the flustered minister left and Dumbledore had just one more request.
“Harry, I never told you this, but I placed you at your Aunts because of your mother sacrifice. Your mother’s protection which saved you in first year needs to be renewed. The protection will work while you call the place where your mother’s blood dwells home Voldemort can’t touch you there,” he raised a hand to stall the protests, “No matter how many homes you have. But you need to go back for two weeks every year.”
Sirius had seen Harry’s face fall at that and he even saw a little fear. He heard Moony growl from where he had come to stay protectively next to Harry and he once again thanked Hermione’s brain.
“The protection works for the Dursleys as well right?” she asked and Dumbledore nodded. “And they are not stupid, they must want the protection or they’d just have given Harry away, sorry,” she winced.
“I know,” he whispered sadly.
“I guess we can kind of blackmail them, say we don’t need the protection. That we have other means and that we are just ensuring they have it. And with that convince them that the two weeks Harry is there his guardian has to be there two. I mean. A grown wizard should be enough to halt their nastiness.”
“Yes,” Sirius said. “That’s the only way Harry goes back there. If either Moony or I can go with him.”
Remus nodded his approval and Sirius saw Harry smile at that and his heart soared. He squeezed his pup’s shoulder.
“I think we can work with that. I’ll contact Petunia.”
“Erm, sir. You might want to do that personally,” Harry said. “They tend to flee from owls.”
“I’ll do just that Harry. Why don’t you stay in your new guardian’s quarters today?” he asked and at the three puzzled looks he got he added. “Oh, I’m sure the last Marauders will surprise no one by rooming together and catching up on lost time.”
Sirius narrowed his eyes at the twinkling headmaster. Who did he think he was? Besides, he bet Moony didn’t even want him. He bet he had some boyfriend waiting for him somewhere.
“Oh, and Sirius. I managed to keep Pettigrew’s answers away from your little secret. That might be useful someday.”
They had said goodbye to Hermione at Gryffindor tower and had gone to Remus’ quarters. Harry had dropped dead on the spare bedroom and at first Moony had popped into bed with him. Sirius had carried him to his room before sunrise so he wouldn’t wake Harry once he transformed back And speaking of waking up. Remus started stirring. He opened his eyes and looked straight at Sirius.
“You’ve been tucking me in all year long?”
Sirius shrugged, “Yeah.”
“Do you have any idea how mortified I’ve been thinking Albus or Poppy had seen me naked?”
“Poppy has seen you naked before,” Sirius offered and got a pillow to his head. “Aren’t you mortified I saw you naked?”
Remus blushed and hid his face on another pillow. Sirius got up and sat on the bed.
“What happened last night?”
Remus moved the pillow and sighed, “I don’t know. At first it was as usual, Moony’s mind taking over and I watching from the back, unable to take control. But then Moony picked up a scent and at first it was like we both agreed and then Moony was just not there anymore, he was gone and I was in control.”
“Like with the Wolfsbane?”
“No, with the Wolfsbane the roles are reversed, I am in control but I can feel Moony in the back, caged like I usually am. But this, was just like he left, like I was all alone in there. Just like I feel any other day of the month. Moony only shows up on full moons I don’t feel him any other time, but he is there on the full moon, yesterday he wasn’t.”
“What did you smell?”
Remus looked at Sirius and Sirius saw hesitation. He took his wand and summoned a robe. He got up and dressed.
“I loved James like a brother,” he said roughly. “I- I was confused, and drunk, I would never have- she came on to me because she was angry, that’s no excuse I know. I took advantage of her-“
“You smelled your cub?” Sirius asked. “Moony smelled Harry and his presence made you keep your mind. I never knew that could happen-“
Remus turned around sharply and hissed, “You knew?”
“She told me,” Sirius said nervously. “When she found out she was pregnant. She was scared. She loved James and was scared he’d leave if he knew. I was scared he would too and that maybe they would both leave if they broke up. It was like they were our glue. We always met there. They were the center. Without a center where would we be? And you were always away. Never telling where you went and disappearing for days at a time-“
“I was infiltrating the packs-“
“I know that now!” Sirius cried desperately. His eyes begging Remus to understand. “But I didn’t then and I didn’t know what to do. All I knew was people were dying and I couldn’t lose any of you. I couldn’t lose James and Lily. I couldn’t lose you. That’s why I never confronted you when I got suspicious of your disappearances. I was scared you’d confirm my suspicions and I would lose you. You were the strong one, and Peter was just such a coward. We knew that the traitor had to be one of us. You were the only choice left. I though Peter wouldn’t have the guts to go to Voldemort. Moony, you have to believe me, I never thought you’d betray us. I just didn’t have any other explanation. And even so I didn’t want to believe. I just didn’t want to lose any of you. So I helped her. I know it was wrong to keep Harry from you but I did and I am so sorry,” Sirius voice had taken a teary edge, “If I could change it I would. But I can’t .Please Remus!”
“How? He looks like James,” Remus asked tensely as he paced the room hugging himself anxiously.
“A mixture of charms and a potion with James blood to tie it all up. It will hold until Harry takes the antidote that has his blood from before the spell was put on him and that is in a box with a conservation charm in my vault. We did it right as he was born. We were lucky; James was out on an assignment and didn’t make it in time to see Harry being born so he never saw his real features. By the time James made it back it was already done. I was the only one besides Lily and the Healer who saw him. And the Healer didn’t know James and I sent her away before James arrived so she never suspected anything. He changed right in front of our eyes. The only thing that was the same were his eyes. He always had those eyes since he was born. He didn’t have those blue eyes that later change color like all babies do-”
WHACK
Sirius found himself on the cold floor nursing his smarting jaw.
“How could you?” Remus hissed steaming.
“I’m sorry.”
“Sorry doesn’t cut it Sirius! Sorry doesn’t erase twelve years that I spent alone! Sorry doesn’t erase twelve years that he spent with those- those – people! I could have raised him all along! The ministry can deny me custody of a friend’s son but not of my son! It’s the law!” Remus bellowed.
“M’ sorry,” Sirius mumbled once again and Remus darted towards the door .“Remus,” Sirius scrambled on his feet and ran after his friend. “Where are you going?”
“To talk to my son,” Remus hissed.
“You can’t- not like that- Remus be reasonable, you’re always reasonable.”
Remus turned around sharply and spat on Sirius’ face, “I’ve had enough of being reasonable!”
He stalked to the door and yanked it open just to come face to face with a wide eyed Harry.
“You were loud,” Harry offered faintly.
“You heard?” Remus asked softly.
“I- yes,” Harry answered lost.
“I didn’t know Harry,” Remus said. “I suspected. I hoped, but I didn’t know.”
Harry nodded jerkily but when Remus stepped closer inching his hand he backed away and took off in a run out of their quarters.
“Harry-“ Remus called after him and made to run in his direction.
“Give him time Moony.” Sirius said stopping Remus with a light hand on his arm.
Remus looked back and saw a bruise forming on Sirius’ cheek. He touched it gently.
“Sorry, I don’t know what got into me,” he turned his face embarrassed.
“I deserved that,” Sirius said cupping Remus’ cheek and turning his face so their eyes met.
“I may have made a humongous and selfish mistake but I did that out of love. I love you Moony. I love you like I’ve had since I first started noticing boys. I know you must have moved on but I-“
He was interrupted by Remus kissing him. When he pulled back Sirius’ eyes were wide and startled. He touched his forehead to Sirius’ and said softly:
“I love you too. I can’t forgive this Sirius… what you did. But I once forgave you. And I’ll do it again. Because I love you and these years without you were torture. I want you in my life. I want us to be a family. You me and Harry. If he’ll have us.”
“He’s just confused,” Sirius said kissing Remus tears away. He slowly pulled Remus’ body closer.
“I never- I wanted you, and I didn’t have you, I never-“
Sirius smiled, “You tell this to anyone and ruin my reputation and I’ll kill you. But I haven’t either. I wanted you and then I was a little held up for a while.”
Remus snorted wetly. His laugh mingling with his tears, “I guess we’ll figure this out together then.”
“Of course, after all. We can’t let the world know we’re a couple of thirty-four year old virgins. I mean, I bet we’re a first, clergy aside.”
“I don’t know,” Remus teased. “I’ve always pictured Severus as-“
“MOONY! Don’t kill the mood!”
“I think we should call Madam Pomfrey. Maybe this is some kind of delayed reaction to the Dementors,” Hermione said worriedly and Ron nodded. They were sitting in front of Harry who had ran into the common room as if he was being chased. Looked for them. Sat on an armchair and proceeded to look vacantly ahead.
Ron snapped his fingers in front of Harry.
“Maybe we should call Sirius and Professor Lupin.”
That got a reaction.
“My dad.”
“What about your dad Harry?” Hermione asked helpfully.
“I don’t know how I look!” Harry screeched.
“Well there’s a mirror over there,” Ron said.
“But that’s a lie!”
“No it’s right over there!” Ron said offended.
“But I don’t look like that! Sirius said there was a potion and a charm and he’s my dad, and that’s why I get restless on full moons!” Harry cried as if he had just had an epiphany and ran away from the room leaving his two gobsmacked best friends behind.
“Did you get any of that?” Ron asked.
“No.”
Harry ran back to Remus quarters barking the password and barging in Remus and Sirius in a very compromising position. No they weren’t having sex, they had decided to take things slowly but, well, they had been having fun. Remus quickly pulled his robes closed as did Sirius and he stuttered.
“Er- Harry-“
“You’re gay?” Harry asked in confusion. Remus was a little relieved not to hear disgust in his voice but maybe Harry was just shocked.
“Yes, Harry.”
“But you and my mom?”
“That was a mistake Harry. I- when I was young I didn’t accept that I liked boys, that I loved Sirius and Lily, she had been angry at James, she thought he was cheating on her. Which he wasn’t,” he added hastily, “We got drunk, she wanted to get back at him. And I was, well, I was so confused that I wanted to prove myself wrong. That I didn’t love Sirius, that that was just because I’d never been with a girl. That backfired on my face,” he finished. At Harry’s look he said. “I know that’s no excuse Harry but I never forgave myself for betraying James like that. If I had been sober I would never had done it and neither would your mother. I don’t want you to think she was like that. But I am glad we were drunk or we wouldn’t have you.”
Harry nodded jerkily. “You didn’t know right? That’s why you left me there?”
“I didn’t. I suspected. But you looked so much like James.”
“Did my da- did James know?”
“He is still your dad Harry. He loved you more than life.” Remus said firmly. He might want his place as Harry’s father but he knew James deserved his.
Harry nodded, “Did he?”
“No, or at least I don’t think so,” Sirius said. “There was one time I suspected he knew. While Lily was still pregnant. An order meeting were James acted very weirdly and aggressively towards the three of us, but then he was just his usual self afterwards and he was so proud when you were born that I’m sure he was just in a bad mood that day.”
“I don’t know what to think,” Harry said lost. “I always wanted for my mom and dad to come rescue me. To show up and say that there had been some misunderstanding and they were alive. I don’t know how to act. How to call you.”
“Call me Remus,” Remus said. “If one day you’re comfortable you can call me dad.”
“We still need to get to know each other Harry,” Sirius said coming closer. “I know you and Moony have been together all year long but that was as teacher and student. We need to learn how to be a family. That will take time and adjustment. Lucky for us, we have all the time in the world. If you’ll accept us of course.” He finished hopefully.
“I,” Harry said biting his lips. “I want to try. I guess.”
Remus smiled and had to restrain himself from hugging Harry.
“Just, you know. Can you keep that on the bedroom,” Harry said flushing furiously to match Remus blush. Sirius just laughed.