“Something James and Sirius lack,” Lily sighed.

“That’s not true,” James pouted. “We just have a slightly different view of duty than you. For instance; homework isn’t duty.”

“Behaving isn’t duty,” Sirius continued.

“Not blowing up the school isn’t duty,” James added. “Being there for your friends is duty.”

“Fighting for what’s right is duty,” Sirius nodded.

“Fine,” Lily sighed but she was fighting back a smile.

Not much happened over the next two weeks. Harry was able to participate in the bi-weekly Quidditch practices now, Ron was doing much better as Keeper with Madam Hooch’s advice, Harry had managed to vanish his mouse completely and had moved on to vanishing kittens with Hermione, the hysteria the beginning of the term brought had finally died away, and nothing had been said about Harry teaching Defense. Ron and Hermione hadn’t brought the subject up again after that night and had made an intense effort to give Harry his space.

The end of September also brought one significant change for Harry. Madam Pomfrey had finally proclaimed him healthy which meant no more early morning visits to the hospital wing. The relief Harry felt after hearing that had been indescribable. It was almost as if a large weight had been finally lifted off his shoulders. He was healthy again. There wasn’t something looming over him anymore.

Another change for Harry was that he was now wearing the suppression necklace Dumbledore had created. It currently wasn’t activated but Harry felt more secure knowing that the help was there if he needed it. The outburst the night Voldemort awakened had been the last one—big or small—Harry had which was unusual. This past summer he usually had a small one at least once a week.

“HARRY! Don’t complain! Maybe they stopped,” James said hopefully. Remus eyed him with pitiful eyes.

Working on Potions in the Library, Harry was wandering through the stacks, searching for Asiatic Anti-Venoms. He had noticed the whispers from Ron and Hermione that began the moment he left the table but didn’t say anything about it. Whatever they were up to now, they clearly didn’t want him involved. Harry didn’t know if he was hurt or relieved by the thought.

As much has Harry didn’t want to admit it he was afraid of Umbridge and what she could do. He knew she didn’t approve of Remus and Sirius. Professor Umbridge made no point to hide her dislike for those of the non-human variety. According to Sirius, Umbridge had drafted a bit of anti-werewolf legislation two years ago which made it nearly impossible for any werewolf to get a job. The only reason Remus could was because he was the secondary guardian of the-boy-who-lived so many believed he wasn’t as bad as the others.

“That’s horrible,” Lily said. “How does she expect them to survive if they can’t have jobs?”

“That’s exactly the point,” James growled. “She doesn’t.”

Remus had not been happy to learn that Sirius had told Harry about that. He had insisted that it wasn’t a big deal but anyone could tell that it was. Remus was an extremely private person when it came to matters of his lycanthropy. He didn’t like others knowing what the curse put him through and took from him, including the right to be a father.

Sirius hugged Remus and James said, “We just want to make sure things like this are changed. If no one knows then how can they demand changes?”

“Harry?”

Turning around quickly, Harry let out a sigh of relief when he saw Cho standing there, looking at him hopefully. He had been so caught up in his thoughts to hear her coming. I really need to stop doing that. He didn’t want to think what would have happened if it had been a Slytherin that had caught him off guard. “Hi Cho,” Harry said finally. “Am I in your way?”

“Um—no,” Cho said nervously as she shifted her weight back and forth. “I was wondering if we could talk about…you know.”

Harry suppressed a groan as he forced himself to remember that Cho had been Cedric’s girlfriend. He owed it to Cedric. “Sure,” he said softly then motioned for her to follow. He walked to the far back of the library and pulled out a chair at an empty table, Cho doing the same a moment later. They sat down and faced each other. You can do this, Harry. “What do you want to know?”

Cho started to fidget nervously as she avoided Harry’s gaze. “What happened after you two disappeared from the maze?” she asked softly.

Sirius sighed, “That is not a happy topic.”

“I know,” Lily said. “But Cho deserves to know what happened so she can get closure.”

“Knowing won’t change it?” James said waving his hand.

“No, but it will stop her from imagining what happened. Imagine there is someone you love and one second they are there and the next they show up dead and the person that was next to him horribly tortured. You just know they were kidnapped by Voldemort.  All you have is what you think may have happened and maybe Harry can tell her that things weren’t as bad as she is imagining. That Cedric didn’t suffer. Which he didn’t, Harry suffered but Cedric didn’t. So Harry can give her some measure of relief by telling her what happened,” Remus explained.

“Still,” Sirius complained. “I don’t want to read it again.”

“I’ll go through it quickly Padfoot,” James said.

“Yes, liking ripping off a band-aid,” Lily said gently.

“A what?” Sirius and James asked.

Lily shook her head and muttered, “Purebloods.”

Letting out a calming breath, Harry looked at Cho for a moment before his gaze fell to the floor. “We arrived at a graveyard,” he said quietly. “We didn’t know what was going on but it was obvious that something wasn’t right. Before we could do anything a Death Eater by the name of Peter Pettigrew tried to kill Cedric with the killing curse. We evaded the curse then ran for it. Two Death Eaters chased us. I knew they were after me so I told Cedric to run for help while I tried to distract them. The plan didn’t work. We were both caught.” Letting out a breath, Harry tried not to think of what happened next. “I was bound to a headstone and could only watch as Cedric was murdered right in front of me. I tried...but I—I just couldn’t stop them.”

Cho grabbed Harry’s hands and held them tightly as a soft sob escaped her lips. “It wasn’t your fault, Harry,” she said in a wavering voice. “Cedric wouldn’t want you blaming yourself.” Cho let out a long breath as she tried to calm herself down. “He never told me but I know he cared for you like a brother. The way he talked about you, he was so upset that you were forced to be in the Tournament. Cedric wanted to protect you, Harry, especially after that attack on the grounds.”

“He was a nice bloke,” James nodded.

“At least now she knows he didn’t suffer and died trying to protect Harry. At least it gives his death some meaning. I know it’s better if he hadn’t died, but it will help her a little,” Lily smiled sadly.

Harry slowly raised his head and met Cho’s gaze. Why did everyone think he needed protecting? Everyone was ready to put the weight of the wizarding world on him yet no one had any faith that he could protect himself. Why? Probably because everyone sees me injured most of the time. Pushing away the thought for now, Harry tried to think of something—anything to say. “I’m sorry I couldn’t do more to help him,” Harry said at last.

Cho shook her head and managed a compassionate smile. “You did what you could, Harry,” she said confidently. “Thank you for trying to help him and thank you for telling me. I know it couldn’t have been easy.” She gave Harry’s hands a squeeze before releasing them and standing up. “If you ever want to talk—well, about anything, I’ll listen, okay Harry?”

Harry nodded and looked up at Cho. “Thanks,” he said with a smile. He really didn’t feel comfortable talking with Cho about anything that would be bothering him but she was making an effort and he appreciated the gesture. Both of them were mourning the loss of Cedric and both of them were too afraid to do anything about that loss. They were afraid of forgetting the person Cedric had been.

Once Cho left, Harry returned to the stacks and finally found a book on the Anti-Venoms. He returned to his table where Ron was looking through a book but Hermione was nowhere in sight. Sitting down across from Ron, Harry looked around again but saw no sign of her. “Where’s Hermione?” Harry asked curiously.

“Talking to the Hufflepuff Prefects,” Ron said. “She’s completely obsessed with it and is trying to drag me along with her. Fred and George have been teasing me nonstop about the whole Prefect thing, asking if I’m going to take points from them because they are still using first years to test their products.”

“Prefects,” Sirius snorted glaring at Remus and Lily. “Always taking the fun out of life.”

Harry had to smile. He knew Fred and George could be merciless when it came to teasing Ron. “Why do you think they do that, Ron?” he asked curiously and received a shrug as an answer. “This is just a guess but they could be doing it because they know it annoys you. In the few years I’ve known Fred and George, I know that they like to do whatever they can to rile someone up. Remember in our second year when they would walk ahead of him and say ‘Make way for the heir of Slytherin, seriously evil wizard coming through’?”

Ron let out a laugh. “I can’t believe you remember that,” he said with a smile but it quickly faded. “You’re right, Harry. I guess I do let what they say bother me. I think most of the time it’s because I wonder if they’re right. I don’t want to be another Percy. I don’t like to discipline people.”

“Yes, Harry is right. If you just ignore them they’ll let you be,” Lily said. “Too bad these two don’t function like normal people and just keep pestering you if you ignore them,” she sighed pointing at James and Sirius who were beaming proudly.

That was an understatement. Harry knew Ron was in a difficult position. After Bill and Charlie left there was Percy who was the rule abider followed by Fred and George who were the pranksters, two extremes leaving Ron somewhere in the middle. Ron wasn’t a prankster but he certainly wasn’t someone like Percy. It seemed that Ron was just trying to find out where in the spectrum he was the most comfortable.

“Could it be because you don’t want them to be angry with you?” Harry offered. Seeing Ron’s eyes fall to the table Harry knew he was right. “The problem is, Ron, you have been given a responsibility. You don’t have to be as obsessive as Hermione but you can’t shy away from it because you’re afraid of how someone may react. I’m sure Hermione would be grateful for the support.”

Ron sighed as he buried his face in his hands. “This is a bloody mess,” he said, his voice muffled from behind his hands. “What was Dumbledore thinking? I never should have been made a Prefect!”

“Maybe he saw something in you that you haven’t seen yet,” Harry offered.

Ron instantly looked at Harry with a scowl on his face. “You know, it’s extremely difficult to pity myself when you are talking like that,” he said stubbornly as he enfolded his arms. “When did you start talking like Dumbledore? You’re supposed to say ‘Ron, you’re right. You shouldn’t be a Prefect. Dumbledore is completely mad for not selecting me’.”

“Harry would never say that,” Sirius snorted. “Even if he thought it.”

“He didn’t-“ Lily.

“Lils, yes he did. Harry was upset about not being chosen remember,” James said raising an eyebrow.

“Oh, fine,” Lily huffed. “He was.”

Harry couldn’t keep the look of amusement off his face. Both of them knew Harry would never say anything like that. “Why say something I don’t mean?” he asked honestly. “I don’t believe I could have handled the responsibility with everything else that was going on. My first priority was my heart, not making sure the first years, Fred and George behaved.”

Ron gave Harry a grateful smile but it died quickly as Ron’s gaze fell to the table. His hands fidgeted nervously. “Listen Harry,” he said at last in a quiet voice. “I think you should know—”

“—hello!” Hermione said cheerfully as she sat down next to Ron with a huge smile on her face. “So what are you two talking about?”

“HERMIONE! Ron was about to tell us something!” James bellowed.

It was hard not to notice how big Ron’s eyes became. Harry could clearly see that whatever Ron was about to say was something he didn’t want Hermione to hear. “We’re just talking about the mystery that is Ron Weasley,” Harry said easily. “What are you so happy about?”

Hermione just shrugged her shoulders. “Just some Prefect stuff,” she said evasively then looked at Harry curiously. “You were gone for a while, Harry. Did you get lost or something?”

“What is she up to?” Remus asked suspiciously.

“Don’t know, but Ron was about to tell us and she ruined it,” Sirius huffed.

“No, I didn’t get lost, Hermione,” Harry said, not appreciating her attempt at humor. Although he never would admit it he most likely knew the library better than anyone since he had spent half of the summer before his third year and the entire summer before his fourth year at Hogwarts. “Cho wanted to talk about a few things so we went some place where no one would overhear us.”

Ron quickly looked up at Harry and smiled. “Cho Chang, eh?” he asked. “She’s pretty. Why didn’t you tell us you fancy her?”

“Ron has effectively put his foot in his mouth and is going to get it,” Lily said wisely.

If Ron had said that about anyone else Harry knew he would probably be embarrassed but not Cho. Harry felt offended, deeply offended. How could Ron say something like that? “She wanted to talk about Cedric,” Harry said tensely as he forced himself to keep his voice down. “She was his girlfriend! She had questions about his death! I respect Cedric too much to do anything like you’re suggesting.”

Ron lost his smile quickly as he looked at Hermione for help but she was staring at Harry with a sympathetic look on her face. “Sorry Harry,” he said softly as he returned his gaze to Harry. “I—er—I wasn’t thinking. I forgot she dated Diggory.”

“Clearly,” Lily said annoyed.

“Give the poor kid a break Lily,” Sirius said. “It’s hard for a fifteen year old to always remember stuff like that. Harry could have taken it a little better. He didn’t need to chew Ron’s head off like that.”

“I shudder to admit it,” Remus said calmly, “But Padfoot is right.”

“How’s Cho doing?” Hermione asked gently.

Harry inhaled deeply as he looked at Hermione. “She’s hurting,” he said honestly. “She misses him just like any girlfriend would.” He glanced over at Ron who appeared to be searching for something to say but couldn’t find the words. Harry just shook his head and returned to his homework. He really didn’t trust himself to say anything else right now. He didn’t know why he was taking this so personally but to be truthful Harry didn’t care. It just felt wrong for Harry to think of himself as going for Cedric’s girlfriend.

---

The following weekend was a Hogsmeade weekend but Harry really didn’t feel like going. After the misunderstanding in the library, Ron and Hermione had a tendency to talk quietly to each other or go off on their own, claiming that they had Prefect duties. Harry wasn’t stupid. He knew they were up to something but just let them be. It wasn’t like he was being completely truthful with them either.

Harry hadn’t told anyone that his scar was constantly hurting or of his strange dreams of the long dark corridors. He didn’t know what they meant but he was really starting to hate them along with the trapped feeling that coursed through him from time to time. Harry figured the feeling had something to do with Voldemort since it hadn’t started until after Voldemort had awoken. He couldn’t explain what was happening so he just did his best to ignore it. He certainly didn’t need another reminder that he wasn’t normal.

“I don’t think ignoring it is the best course of action,” Remus said wisely.

“Maybe he’ll tell us,” Sirius shrugged then turned to James. “Harry go tell us about these dreams!”

James looked around and asked, “Why are you looking at me?”

“I’m not looking at you,” Sirius huffed rolling his eyes. “I’m looking at the book you’re holding.”

When the morning of the Hogsmeade visit arrived, Harry was awake and in the Great Hall with the other early risers. Like many other students, Harry had slowly acquired a taste for coffee to pull him out of whatever haze his odd dreams had left upon him. His habit of rising early from the summer holidays prevented him from sleeping in and the chance of someone waking him to realize that he was casting silencing charms around his bed.

Just as he was finishing his coffee, Harry looked up to see Ron and Hermione, already dressed for a journey to Hogsmeade sit down across from him. Ron instantly started piling food on his plate while Hermione stared curiously at Harry, more so his attire than anything. Unlike Ron and Hermione who were wearing their cloaks over their jumpers and pants for the cool, early October morning, Harry was only wearing a long-sleeved shirt and jeans.

“Um…Harry, are you going to wear that to Hogsmeade?” asked Hermione. “It’s a little cold out today.”

Harry looked at Hermione and shrugged. “I really don’t feel up to going to Hogsmeade today,” he said. “I think I’ll just catch up on some homework and maybe spend some time in the Room of Requirement.”

Sirius and James glared at Remus who looked a little worried at the evil looks he was getting.

“What?” he asked.

“A perfectly nice Hogsmeade weekend and what is Harry doing? Homework! Whose fault do you think that is Prongs?” Sirius said.

“Moony’s of course. Poisoning my poor innocent son with things like responsibility, homework…books!” James sobbed dramatically.

Ron leaned in closer to Harry, his plate full of food suddenly forgotten. “Your scar isn’t acting up, is it?” he asked in a hushed voice. “Is this about your heart? I thought you said it wasn’t a problem anymore.”

“It isn’t,” Harry said truthfully. “I’m healthy and no, my scar isn’t acting up. I just feel like going out in public…especially with everything that’s happened. Everyone’s finally stopped whispering about me here. I really don’t want it to start up again with the adults at Hogsmeade. Call me a coward but I just don’t want to deal with the whispering and finger pointing today.”

Hermione gave Harry a sympathetic smile. “We understand, Harry,” she said. “Why didn’t you say something before?”

Harry shrugged. “It’s really not that big of a deal,” he said nonchalantly. “After spending the summer in seclusion I suppose the attention’s affecting me more than it normally would.” It was more or less the truth. Harry really didn’t want to face the public but he also wanted some time alone to try to force an outburst and control it. It was a long shot but he had to try something.

“He is going to do what alone?” Lily shrieked.

“What if he gets a strong one and needs medical attention?” Sirius fretted, “Who will get it? James do something!”

James looked lost then gripping the book tightly he said sternly, “Harry James Potter, you will do no such thing!”

“But you normally spend your summers in seclusion,” Ron said in confusion.

“Ron, think of everything that’s happened,” Hermione countered. “Harry has a right to feel overwhelmed by all of the attention.” She then shifted her attention from Ron to Harry. “We could spend the day in the Room of Requirement with you! We haven’t been there since—” She thought for a moment “—February.”

That was certainly not what Harry had been expecting. Although it doesn’t surprise me. “I don’t want you two to miss out because of me,” he said. “You two go and have fun at Hogsmeade. I’ll finish my homework and you can meet me in the Room of Requirement when you come back.” Ron and Hermione didn’t appear to be convinced. “I’ll be fine, you two. You don’t have to worry about Malfoy. He’ll most likely be at Hogsmeade.”

“Are you sure Harry?” Hermione asked. “We don’t have to go if you don’t want us to.”

Harry looked at Hermione with a raised eyebrow. “If you two stay back because of me I refuse to talk to you for the remainder of the weekend,” he threatened. “I appreciate the gesture, I really do, but I don’t want you two to miss out on a day away from the castle because of me. Go. Have fun. You know where to find me when you come back.”

Hermione and Ron looked at each other, shrugged then looked back at Harry. “We won’t be long,” Ron said as he stood up with Hermione following suit. “Try not to work too hard. It is the weekend, you know.”

Harry smiled as Hermione glared at Ron. He bid goodbye then watched as they left the Great Hall for Hogsmeade. Once he was certain they were gone, Harry left the Great Hall and casually strolled to the Room of Requirement. On the seventh floor opposite of the tapestry of Barnabas the Barmy was Harry’s destination. He walked past it three times, focusing on a place where he could train physically and magically before a door appeared.

“I don’t think he heard you James,” Remus sighed.

Entering, Harry’s eyes widened in disbelief as he looked around the large room. The walls were covered with a variety of martial arts weapons. Punching bags hung from the ceiling. The floor was covered with a supportive mat to prevent injuries. Dueling dummies stood in the far corner of the room. A cupboard stood right by the door which contained protective and first aid supplies.

“First aid supplies won’t do you any good if you are knocked unconscious by an outburst!” Lily scolded.

Opening the cupboard, Harry figured he would get the physical training out of the way and pulled out a pair of boxing gloves. He removed his wand holster before strapping on the gloves and approaching one of the punching bags. After setting his wand and holster off to the side, Harry started attacking the bag. He instantly felt his emotions leave as he focused on nothing but making contact with the stiff black bag. Nothing mattered outside making the bag move as much as possible.

After three-quarters of an hour Harry had to stop and found that his knuckles were extremely raw. He mentally cursed himself for not taking precautions to prevent it. Next Harry ran through the tae-kwon-do and tai chi exercises Sirius had taught him before taking a break. Not really wanting to leave, Harry called for Dobby who arrived immediately with a large lunch much to Harry’s surprise. Sometimes he thought the little house elf knew him too well.

“At least someone knows where he is,” Sirius said crossing his arms.

After lunch, Harry started on his magical training after grabbing his wand and putting his holster back on his wrist. He started off with the dueling dummies to practice accuracy before changing the room into an obstacle course with a variety of obstructions blocking his path, ranging from a simple sandbag coming out of nowhere to a Boggart taking the form of a Dementor that Harry immediately vanquished with a vengeance. He wasn’t going to be caught off guard again.

Once the obstacle course vanished, Harry collapsed on a sofa couch that appeared, completely exhausted. He hadn’t gone though a workout like that in a long time and would certainly be feeling it later. Waiting for his heart rate to return to normal, Harry holstered his wand and nearly jumped as a small table with a goblet of water appeared in front of him. He could really get used to this room and if today was any indication Harry figured he should definitely use it more often. His entire recovery had really restricted his stamina. There was no way he would last long in any duel at this point.

After emptying the goblet, Harry figured that Ron and Hermione would be arriving soon so he concentrated on a private place to clean up and saw a door appear on the wall to his right. Cautiously Harry opened the door to see a bathroom similar to the Prefects’ Bathroom with an extremely large tub in the middle of the floor in the shape of a swimming pool. It was already filled with water, a layer of steam resting above it to serve as a notice of how warm the water was.

Once the door was locked, Harry wasted no time in undressing before diving in, instantly feeling a stinging pain from his knuckles. He let out a wince and quickly surfaced, making sure to keep his hands out of the water. As if the room noticed Harry’s discomfort, the water stared to change to a creamy white substance. Harry tentatively placed his hand in the liquid and was surprised that there was no burning only coolness.

He stayed in the soothing bath, finally feeling relaxed for the first time in a long time, until his fingers started to show signs of prolonged exposure. Reluctantly Harry pulled himself out of the pool and grabbed a towel to dry himself off. Noticing his sweaty clothes, Harry concentrated on a clean set of clothes and smiled. Another pair of jeans, long sleeved shirt in addition to a jumper appeared, folded neatly in a pile. Harry just shook his head and started to dress.

Once Harry had his jeans on he called for Dobby again and once again to his surprise the house elf somehow know what Harry wanted by banishing the sweaty clothes the moment he arrived. Harry thanked Dobby who nodded happily, insisting it was no problem whatsoever before vanishing. Using the towel to dry his hair, Harry unlocked the door and stepped out only to find that he wasn’t alone.

Ron and Hermione were in the Room of Requirement waiting for him. Ron’s eyes instantly widened as he stared at Harry, his mouth opening and closing repeatedly. Hermione looked at Harry for only a moment before she blushed and quickly looked away. This strange behavior struck Harry as odd until he realized that he hadn’t put a shirt on yet. Letting out a groan, Harry quickly grabbed his shirt out of the bathroom and put it on.

“Sorry,” Harry said as he re-entered the room as he put his wand holster back on. “I didn’t think you two would be back so soon. How was Hogsmeade?”

“Boring,” said Ron as sat down on the sofa and looked around the room. “If I would have known this would be what you were doing I would have stayed behind.” He looked at Harry and grinned. “So, what have you been doing all day?”

“Being irresponsible,” Lily huffed crossing her arms.

James sniggered and when she glared at him he hid his face behind the book.

Harry shrugged. He wasn’t about to tell them that he had been trying to push himself hard enough for an outburst to come. Oh yeah, I wanted to push myself to the point of exhaustion so my magic could go out of control for me to find out if I could control it. “A little of this and a little of that,” he said evenly then looked at his other best friend who still wasn’t looking at him. “Hermione, is something wrong?”

Hermione quickly looked at Harry and shook her head. “Not at all,” she said with a smile. “So do you feel up to helping us review some spells until dinner? Maybe we can just start with the Protego charm?”

Harry looked at Hermione with a raised eyebrow for a moment before he remembered that he had spent weeks on the charm and the different variations of it. The normal Protego charm was easy when done correctly with the right amount of concentration. It was the variations that were difficult and dangerous. The more powerful variation, the more power it drained from you. That was the reason the normal charm was the only one taught until Auror training. “What about it?” Harry asked evenly.

“Well, Viktor told me about the attack and the shield you cast to protect yourself, Hagrid and Mr. Crouch from the attacker,” Hermione said eagerly. “He said that he’d never seen a shield like it before. He said it was really powerful but that you passed out from it. I guess I’m just curious with what you did to cause something like that.”

Harry let out a sigh as he sat down on the sofa next to Ron. “You can alter the charm four ways: incantation, wand movement, concentration or a combination of the three. That night I used concentration,” he explained. “I put too much of myself into the shield, causing me to pass out. That’s why very few try to alter the charm. It can be extremely dangerous for the caster if one thing is miscalculated.”

“So why take that chance?” Ron asked in confusion. “You make it sound like you could kill yourself.”

Harry tilted his head backwards until it rested on the sofa. The silence was all Ron and Hermione needed to know that Ron had made an excellent point. That was the reason the variations of the Protego charm weren’t touched on until NEWT classes. No one wanted to risk anyone who didn’t have enough control of their magic to try it. The only reason Harry knew about it was because he had been bored one day during his time at Hogwarts before his third year started. He had been working on the charm periodically since then in case he needed a powerful shield to protect himself. It had been over two years and Harry wasn’t any closer on determining what his limitations were.

“Bloody hell,” Ron cursed under his breath. “Why would you ever attempt something like that, Harry? Especially for someone like Crouch? Wasn’t he the one who had Sirius put in Azkaban without a trial?”

Harry quickly looked at Ron, horrified at his best friend’s words. “Please tell me you didn’t mean that,” he begged. “I may not like the man but if I hadn’t done something he could have been killed. That wasn’t something I was willing to have on my conscience. You can call it stupid if you want but I’m the one who has to look at myself in the mirror every morning.” Shaking his head, Harry had to look away. How do you explain what you can’t put into words? “You have no idea how hard that’s been since Cedric died,” Harry said softly.

“Exactly! He doesn’t. And you should be glad he doesn’t instead of getting angry and scolding him at every turn!” Sirius said. “What?” he asked Lily who had been glaring at him. “Not everyone is born all wise like you Lily. Some of us go through a little thing called growing up and will make mistakes and say stupid things. We shouldn’t get scolded for that at every turn. I mean, this is what, the second time Harry chews Ron this chapter alone. I love Harry to bits but he is not perfect.”

“He got you there Lily,” James smiled.

Lily actually looked embarrassed, “I don’t mean to come off self-righteous. Sorry.”

“It’s okay Lily,” Sirius said apologetically. “Sorry, I got carried away.”

Hermione hurried to Harry and pulled him into a fierce embrace. “But that doesn’t mean we can’t be there for you Harry,” she said sincerely. “We want to help you through this. We just don’t know what you need.” Hermione pulled back and looked into Harry’s eyes for some hint of what to say or do but received nothing. Harry just stared at her for a moment before he looked away.

“Unless you don’t want to talk about it,” Ron quickly added. “I think Hermione and I both know you’re going through a lot right now.”

You have no idea, Harry mused. Looking back at his friends, Harry saw that they were both waiting for him to say something—anything. “I know I’ve been difficult,” he said at last. “My head is such a confused mess right now. Earlier this past summer my emotions were all over the place. I put Sirius and Remus through an awful lot. I guess I’m just trying to spare you two the hassle of having to deal with me when I suddenly feel angry or depressed.”

Hermione sat down on the sofa to Harry’s left, facing him. “Listen Harry, you went through something traumatic,” she said compassionately. “You nearly died because of it. I think we would rather have you shout at us or cry with us there to support you rather than having to face it all alone. I’m sorry if anything I said brought on any of these feelings.”

Harry shook his head at her apology. “Don’t worry about it, Hermione,” he said. “I’m sorry I snapped at you about your Defense study group. I’ll admit that Sirius and Remus have taught me a lot but I wasn’t comfortable with the thought of trying to relay it on to you two. Remus had a way to just make you feel comfortable around him when he taught while Sirius tried to make everything a game, at least to him. I—I’m just not a teacher.”

Hermione shifted her body to look over at Ron who shrugged his shoulders. Biting her lower lip, she returned her gaze to Harry but now there was a definite nervousness about her. It was almost like she was afraid of breaking some horrible news but that was impossible. If something had happened she would have mentioned it already, right?

“What’s going on?” Harry asked cautiously.

Hermione’s gaze fell as she fidgeted nervously. “Harry, I think I really messed up,” she said softly. “I—I thought maybe you would come around about teaching us so I went ahead and started talking to people. A lot of people want to learn how to defend themselves, Harry, and they want to learn from you. Right now you are the only one who has any sort of training in that area. Harry, we can’t just wait around and hope that someone can save us the next time something happens! Please understand!”

“She didn’t?” James asked incredulously his eyes wide and his mouth hanging open.

“I’m afraid she did,” Lily said biting her lips and raising her eyebrows.

Harry’s eyes narrowed at Hermione for a moment before he stood up and walked towards the door. He couldn’t believe Hermione went behind his back like this. Why couldn’t she just take ‘no’ for an answer? Couldn’t she understand that he couldn’t do it? He couldn’t take such a risk, right? Why should he be pulled into this because his guardians felt it best to give him a few private lessons when others did not?

“Harry please!” Hermione pleaded. “Why are you so afraid to help us?”

Turning around quickly, Harry glared at Hermione, his anger quickly rising. “How dare you!” he growled through his teeth and his hands tightened into fists. “The last time I checked it wasn’t my responsibility to teach the students here how to defend themselves! You have no idea what is really going on here! How could you when you spend all of your time fighting with Umbridge? Umbridge is watching me! The moment I do anything out of line she will inform Fudge who will declare Sirius and Remus unfit guardians! I will be taken away from the only fathers I’ve ever known!”

“She can’t do that! Can she?” Lily asked worried.

“The way things are going I don’t know,” Remus shrugged looking grim.

At that moment everything that was made of glass in the room (which was only a few mirrors) shattered. Ron and Hermione quickly covered their heads defensively but quickly realized that nothing had hit them. Slowly, both of them looked at Harry who was still standing there, breathing heavily, with his fisted hands shaking in anger.

“B—but they’re your guardians!” Ron protested nervously. “Dumbledore wouldn’t let that happen! Mum and Dad wouldn’t let that happen! The Order wouldn’t let that happen!”

Hermione carefully approached Harry and rested her hands on the sides of his face, tilting it so their eyes met. “Harry, listen to me,” she said gently. “I would never do anything that would jeopardize your life with Sirius and Remus. You’re right. It isn’t your responsibility to teach us but we weren’t as fortunate as you to have guardians who were so proactive. We need this. We need to be ready, at least for our practical exam. If you don’t feel comfortable with participating then that is your choice. All I’m saying is that we could really benefit from your knowledge.”

“This will all be kept a complete secret, Harry,” Ron added. “Hermione’s thought of a few ways to make sure it stays that way. What would Sirius and Remus say if you asked them about this?”

Harry let out a sigh as his gaze fell, his anger fading quickly. He knew the answer to that question immediately. “They would want me to be involved,” he admitted. Sirius of course would do anything to break the rules while Remus would insist that study groups are extremely helpful in learning.

“I’m telling you,” James said shaking his head. “See? ‘Study groups are extremely helpful.’ Here they are planning a revolution and Moony only thinks about homework!”

“I think ‘revolution’ is a tad too exaggerated a word for what they are planning,” Remus snorted.

“Still,” Sirius nodded biting his lips and patting Remus’ back. “James is right Moony. You have to layoff from the books!”

Slowly, Harry met Hermione’s gaze again. “You know I hate attention,” Harry said softly. “What’s stopping everyone from wanting to know about…everything?”

“Nothing,” Lily said bluntly.

Hermione gave Harry a soft smile as tears escaped her eyes. “Us, Harry,” she said sincerely. “We will be there every step of the way. Just give it a chance. If it’s too hard or if it doesn’t work out then fine. At least you gave it a try, right?”

“Oh, Hermione. You’re being naïve,” Sirius sighed. “Like you’ll be enough to stop any questions! You won’t and you’ll have put Harry in an impossible position because he won’t be able to just get up and leave.”

Harry closed his eyes and nodded. For some reason he just had a feeling that once he started he wouldn’t be able to walk away. He would feel obligated to see it through ‘til the end for everyone else’s sakes. As much as he didn’t want this, Harry knew he would hate it more if something happened to one of his friends and there had been something he could have done to prevent it, even if it had been teaching them a few spells and charms. Harry just hoped that what Hermione and Ron said were true about the measures they were taking. The last thing he needed was more trouble from the Ministry.

“Here, here,” James sighed.